Dream...

I had the strangest dream a few nights ago.

For some reason I faked my own death to get out of a marriage. I'm not sure who I was married to, but I know I lived in a large mansion. In fact, my service was held in the backyard because it was that big! In any case, I remember peeking out the window through the curtains and remember how happy I was seeing all the people I cared about there, but at the same time so sad because they were all very sad. And I remember feeling extra sad because I had lied to them. In any case, the dream goes on with me on some high speed chase, not sure the reason behind that, but I got into an accident and wound up in the hospital in critical condition. While lying there, fading in and out of consciousness, like a dream within a dream, she was there by my side, keeping watch. But when I woke up, I fully regained consciousness just in time to watch her walk off, with her fiance in tow. And this is her real life fiance, not just her fiance I conjured up in a dream.

All in all, I think it's a good dream. I think my subconscious has come to terms with the idea that she'll always be there in my life as someone close to me, but she is no longer (and yes I know, never was) mine. My conscious mind has already accepted that a while ago, but I guess when your subconscious agrees with your conscious mind, no matter how long the lag, it's never a bad thing.

"A heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others" - The Wizard of Oz

Recent Things on My To Do List:

• Win the lottery


• Invent device that will allow me to reach across the internet and smack people


• Develop anti-gravity


• Break the 1st law of thermodynamics


• Pick up some toothpaste and a new toothbrush

"Destiny - You were meant for me. Perhaps as a punishment." - Quote from Demotivators Calendar

Sometimes You Can Make it On Your Own

Was having a chat with a friend yesterday over MSN. It started off about us talking about how we're both old and single, and led to this: ( in all it's unedited glory well except for the pretty colours):

[11:40:50 AM] eikachu©: it's like everything i do now is preparing for a single life
[11:41:02 AM] eikachu©: learning to just count on myself
[11:41:18 AM] I love animals, they taste great!: dependant before interdependance
[11:41:46 AM] eikachu©: but i know i like my dependence
[11:41:57 AM] eikachu©: and i don't know if i want to share my life
[11:42:18 AM] eikachu©: cause u know once u been single long enough...u develop ur own routines
[11:42:22 AM] eikachu©: and habits
[11:42:33 AM] eikachu©: and less tolerant to things
[11:42:54 AM] I love animals, they taste great!: but then you figure out who you are
[11:42:58 AM] I love animals, they taste great!: what you like, what you don't like
[11:43:10 AM] I love animals, they taste great!: that way, when you find someone, you won't want to change them
[11:43:32 AM] eikachu©: ur right...
[11:43:43 AM] eikachu©: i am figuring out who i am
[11:4:04 AM] I love animals, they taste great!: you shouldn't go into a relationship not knowing who you are
[11:44:11 AM] eikachu©: that is true
[11:44:15 AM] I love animals, they taste great!: because then if you find out who you are LATER when you're in a serious relationhsip....

It's ok when you're younger to get into relationships not knowing who you are. After all, it may help with the self-discovery process. However, I believe that if you have an oppurtunity to stand on your own two feet first without anyone helping you up, that's a much better time to start a relationship. That way, when you do find someone that catches your attention, they will be complimenting your life instead of supplementing your life. Well, that's how it should start anyway. I know well enough that sometimes, that someone you find, is that someone that completes you. But when it comes to matters of the heart, as well all know we bets are off. Anyway, this isn't a rule that should be followed to the letter. Some of the best relationships are found when you're lost and confused and you find someone that is your guiding light. But I think those are exceptions to the rule. Anyway, I'm just trying to say that if you know you need time to heal, if you know if you have issues to work out, if you know you have some home repairs to do... yah, you know what I'm trying to say.

"Loneliness - If you find yourself struggling with loneliness, you're not alone, and yet you are alone. So very alone." - Quote from Demotivators

Swimming Through My Oceans

Just wanted to write a thank you the people who keep coming back to this mess called a blog and keep punishing yourselves by reading its contents. Thank you for bludgeoning through my thoughts, crawling through these words... I know I've been slacking recently, haven't been posting as much. But like I've said before, I can only write when inspired. I'm not one to bore you with the details of what I do day to day. Instead I bore you with what I think are thoughts I should put to writing. You guys deserve some sort of praise as most people wouldn't have made it past the first 3 sentences of this post. If you haven't yet noticed, I've added a cbox to my sidebar. Go ahead, spam away in there. Just remember I have the right to delete anything I find unfunny and uninformative, haha. Ok seriously, I'll just delete the shit that I find rude or of absolutely no value.

Ok, so you've made it this far. You are persistent aren't you? Here's you reward, a poem I wrote a looooong time ago for someone who was very dear to me:

Best Friends

Like the cool, refreshing summer rains,
I'll be there to ease your aches and pains.
Wipe away those bitter tears, I'm here to chase away your fears.
Like the bright and shining sun, I will be your number one.
There's never a need to run and hide,
For I will be there always, by your side.
Like a hard and protective shell,
I will shield you from this world's hell.
And our friendship shall ne'er grow cold,
For our friendship, high, I shall ever hold.
I know we'll be friends for life and after,
Sharing all our mem'ries and laughter.

And to my dearest friend I toast:
To our friendship evermore we drink,
In a sea of trouble we'll never drown,
For our friendship, is a ship that will never sink.

- Sunrise Seeker

"Friends pick us up when we fall, and if they cannot, they lie down beside us and listen for a while" - Anonymous

Keep Your Eye Off the Prize

Quite often people have a grand plan to do something but quite often never get around to it because they think that it's too far away so they never begin the journey. This has often come up in my life because people are asking me how to keep fit or lose weight. I tell them "Even a journey of a thousand miles begins with the first few small steps." Some people are too focused on the large goal to see the intermediate steps in between and get discouraged enough to not even take the steps. I know most of you already know this, but it begs reiteration: Larger goals are accomplished by setting smaller goals. Take the huge leap forward you want to make and break it down into smaller, "within sight, within reach", bunny hops. For example when I run 10K, I don't start the run by saying ok, "let's do this 10K!" I take a long run like that 1 kilometer at a time. Sometimes it's good to actually lose focus and just do something without thinking to much about it.

My quote for this entry is already in there. So yah, imma cheat this post and just say read the white bolded words in quotes.

Thanks to Everyone Involved in The Run

My thanks go out to everyone who either donated/sponsored, ran, or volunteered in this year's CIBC Run for the Cure. In my city of Edmonton, 11 329 people ran raising a total of $1.3 million. I think that is simply amazing! Special thanks goes out to the people who sponsored me. They made my run that much more successful. As for the run itself, I unfortunately did not attain my goal of under 19 minutes. It was freezing that day!!! I believe it was 1 degree or something like that so I blame that for my disappointing time of 20:09. My quads felt stiff for the first 4 minutes or so and yes, I did warm up, but for some reason they made us wait at the start line for 15 minutes or so. Ah well, despite my running time, I felt that the run was a huge success. Thanks again to everyone who participated in one way or another!

"You can't change the wind, but you can adjust your sails" - Machiavelli

Asking the Right Questions

I'm a firm believer in growing. I never want to stop growing. I like expanding my horizons, trying new things. I don't mean physical events like skydiving (which I still need to do) or eating new foods, I mean exploring different ways of thinking, different dogma, different situations. I believe that you should shake your foundations, ask yourself what you believe in and why. Ask yourself why you haven't done something you'd really like to do, list the reasons preventing you, and then start on ways of elminating those reasons. Self-discovery is a process that should end only in death (or perhaps when you're very very old). It's unfortunate, but most of us only explore our deep inner-selves only when we hit rock bottom. But that's understandable. Why ask a question when an answer is not required? I have to admit, I was that way. In fact, I do my deepest thinking when I'm lonely, or depressed. But I've learned to "think" even when I am not unhappy. The thing is, I've met people who don't seem interested in expanding themselves, even when all it takes is asking the right questions. On the other hand, I've met people who make me look at things in a new light. I've also met a few people who inspire me to ask the right questions. I've met even fewer people who I can discuss those questions with. Meeting someone who isn't afraid to broaden their horizons and helps me widen my own is extremely rare. I can say I have only met 2 people like that in my life. I hope all of you reading this have someone out there who makes you want to be a better person and helps you in some way of achieving it.

"Beauty - If you're attractive enough on the outside, people will forgive you for being irritating to the core." - Quote from Demotivators Calendar.

Misunderstood

I know that there are people out there who don't like me because they think that I am trying to show off or out do them. If you read my blog, or know me, then you know I'm not about that. Of course I get a sense of accomplishment from achieveing, but it's because I want to win against myself, and do the best I can, not because I want to achieve over you or show how good I am at something. Don't get me wrong, there are times you just wanna show how good you are at something, because let's face it, I do have pride! But I try not to accumulate pride at the expense of others. I try and let my accomplishments speak for themselves. Another thing that people perceive incorrectly about me, is my tendency to be loud, obnoxious and do some crazy shit at times. It's not because I want to be the centre of attention, but it's because I want my friends to laugh and have a good time. I'm having a good time if all my friends are having a good time. I actually don't like being the centre of attention and can be quite anti-social at times. I call myself an outgoing introvert. Yah, try and figure that one out! My reason for trying to shine as bright as I can isn't to drown out your light, but to show you that you can shine just as bright.

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Albert Einstein