What They Don't Know CAN Hurt Them

I've been reading over my blog, and I almost sound like a self-help book. I dislike self-help books because all they do is tell you what you already know, or should be common sense. But at the same time people need self-help books because sometimes they need a good smack in the head to get them to listen to what should be common sense. Anyway, on with the show.

Today's blog entry is all about one word.

Communication.

Yep that's it: sea oh em em you en eye sea ay tee eye oh en. Communication.

Why would I devote an ENTIRE entry on one word? Because I think the failure of it in a relationship = the failure of the relationship. People change, and if the relationship is to keep up with the people, then it needs to change too. I had this whole essay planned out for this entry, but I'm sure none of you need examples of miscommunication, of how LISTENING is not the same as HEARING, and of how UNDERSTANDING is not the same as LISTENING. I've learned through experience, that just because you think you are understanding what the other person is saying, it doesn't make it so. It could be that they aren't using the correct words to convey their ideas, or that your interpretation of their words is not the same as theirs. When I have an argument with someone, I try and make sure that we're on the same page. It can be just as simple as saying "When you said this, I took it to mean this, is that right?".

The other part to communication is speaking your mind when something troubles you. You are being unfair to the other person if you are getting upset at them for doing something and not letting them know how it makes you feel. Yes, you read me right, YOU, UNFAIR. Now, if you told them what's up and they keep hurting you, then totally it's their fault. But if you don't let them know how their actions make you feel, YOU are the one in the wrong. That goes the same for when they do something that you really makes you happy and you don't let them know. I hate seeing couples break up because they grow apart because they don't discuss how the other's actions makes them feel. How are they supposed to know if you don't tell them. The classic "Well I'm not going to tell you you don't know what you did wrong?" is just plain ludicrous (it may seem rational when you're in the heat of the moment saying it, but it's not right, trust me, I've been there, it's NOT right). Remember, most feelings are emotions caused by actions. You can't suppress the feelings and hope they'll go away, you need to tackle the feelings from the source. Yes, that's right, you need to confront the actions that cause them. Remember, you put out the fire by attacking the base, not by spraying the top.

P.S. Keep in mind that I'm not talking about blatantly wrong things like cheating or stealing. At the same time, what may seem obviously wrong and hurtful to you may be not be to the other person. So TALK IT OUT PEOPLE!

"Judge others, and be yourself judged, by others." - SunriseSeeker

P.P.S Thanks to my friends who wished me a happy birthday yesterday.

Ready for Love

It's not easy, getting up after you've been beat to a bloody pulp. And it's pretty frickin' scary when you get put in the position where you got beat up the first time. It's certainly understandable why some people are scared to get into a relationship after being severely hurt. I don't mean the types who are not ready because they're getting over someone, or because they just aren't ready to settle. I mean those who genuinely have nothing holding them back except the fear of getting hurt again. I personally have had the shit kicked out of me (figuratively of course) more times than I care to admit. And trust me, I know it ain't easy to crawl your way from the bottom of that pit of hurt, that hole where you just wanna lock yourself in and shut everything else out. The thing is, the first step towards the exit from that void are steps you have to take yourself. Sure, friends and others who care about you are reaching into the hole as deep as they can, trying to help you out. But more often than not, you're in so deep that you're beyond their grasp. YOU yourself have to start climbing out, take the first few steps towards their helping hands. I know I'm not the first to give this advice, but it should be reiterated. Why be afraid to love? What's the worst that can happen? You get hurt. But wounds heal, even the deep ones you get from a broken heart. Now on the flipside, you could meet the love of your life. Isn't a temporary thing like a broken heart worth the risk of meeting someone whom you can spend the rest of your life with?

P.S. The title of this entry shares it's name with a wicked song from India Aire. I suggest you try and find it and listen to it.

"Imagination is more important than knowledge." - Albert Einstein

Faith

"Hope, it is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength, and your greatest weakness."

The Wachowski Brothers took my thoughts and put it into a sentence which perfectly defines faith (or hope). That quote is from the Architect's speech in Matrix Reloaded. Without faith, humans would have nothing to live for. Our drive in life is based on achieving our desires and dreams. This is where religion comes in. I absolutely HATE discussing religion and God. I myself am an atheist. I believe that religion is for people who fail to believe in the power of themselves, who need their faith channeled into something more tangible. But please don't write in my blog your view of religion, this is MY blog and I can cry if I want to, you can't! Anyway, back on topic. Faith and hope can make people do amazing things. So how can something that gives us so much strength also be such a weakness? It can cause people do see things that aren't really there. Who wants to believe that their greatest desires and dreams aren't achievable? Who wants to be told that their raison d'être is out of reach? It's quite the paradox huh? That's why a person who's had their faith "shaken" can feel so lost. Without a goal to strive for, without a thing to hope for, with nothing to base their faith on, life can seem pretty empty and pointless. I encourage you to take an inventory of what your "faiths" are, even the little "hopes" you have. Give yourself a light at the end of the tunnel, because without it, it can be pretty frickin' dark in there.

"One must desire something to be alive." - Margaret Deland