I've been reading over my blog, and I almost sound like a self-help book. I dislike self-help books because all they do is tell you what you already know, or should be common sense. But at the same time people need self-help books because sometimes they need a good smack in the head to get them to listen to what should be common sense. Anyway, on with the show.
Today's blog entry is all about one word.
Communication.
Yep that's it: sea oh em em you en eye sea ay tee eye oh en. Communication.
Why would I devote an ENTIRE entry on one word? Because I think the failure of it in a relationship = the failure of the relationship. People change, and if the relationship is to keep up with the people, then it needs to change too. I had this whole essay planned out for this entry, but I'm sure none of you need examples of miscommunication, of how LISTENING is not the same as HEARING, and of how UNDERSTANDING is not the same as LISTENING. I've learned through experience, that just because you think you are understanding what the other person is saying, it doesn't make it so. It could be that they aren't using the correct words to convey their ideas, or that your interpretation of their words is not the same as theirs. When I have an argument with someone, I try and make sure that we're on the same page. It can be just as simple as saying "When you said this, I took it to mean this, is that right?".
The other part to communication is speaking your mind when something troubles you. You are being unfair to the other person if you are getting upset at them for doing something and not letting them know how it makes you feel. Yes, you read me right, YOU, UNFAIR. Now, if you told them what's up and they keep hurting you, then totally it's their fault. But if you don't let them know how their actions make you feel, YOU are the one in the wrong. That goes the same for when they do something that you really makes you happy and you don't let them know. I hate seeing couples break up because they grow apart because they don't discuss how the other's actions makes them feel. How are they supposed to know if you don't tell them. The classic "Well I'm not going to tell you you don't know what you did wrong?" is just plain ludicrous (it may seem rational when you're in the heat of the moment saying it, but it's not right, trust me, I've been there, it's NOT right). Remember, most feelings are emotions caused by actions. You can't suppress the feelings and hope they'll go away, you need to tackle the feelings from the source. Yes, that's right, you need to confront the actions that cause them. Remember, you put out the fire by attacking the base, not by spraying the top.
P.S. Keep in mind that I'm not talking about blatantly wrong things like cheating or stealing. At the same time, what may seem obviously wrong and hurtful to you may be not be to the other person. So TALK IT OUT PEOPLE!
"Judge others, and be yourself judged, by others." - SunriseSeeker
P.P.S Thanks to my friends who wished me a happy birthday yesterday.
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