Shoe... on the Other Foot.

Sometimes things in life come our way whether we are deserving or not. Now whether we have the luck, and the will to keep these things in our life, that's a different story. I think I have the will, now I just hope I have the luck.

"When love is not madness, it is not love."  - Pedro Calderon de la Barca

Soak

I was reading my blog last night and came across my Pain Sponge entry.   Near the end I said "Don't get me wrong, there's happiness out there, I'll look for it. But I've already accepted the fact that I may not always get what I want, so I might as well help others get what they want."  I should have never forgotten that and compartmentalize...

I wish I could settle sometimes, why am I so picky?  Why is it that I won't settle for anything less than total and utter passion-filled, free-falling, gut wrenching love?  Maybe because I've been fortunate to have loved and be loved by some extraordinary women, that I am now spoiled.  It's hard to go back to water once you've tasted ambrosia, at least for me.

I can't change who I am right?

"Fun Fact: Girls have unique magic tricks: They get wet without water, bleed without injury, and make boneless things hard." - Anonymous

Your Own Medicine is Hard to Swallow

The title has a double meaning.

First off, I had to swallow a spoonful of my own "the right thing to do is most often the hardest thing to do" today.  I'm still fighting to keep that medicine down and I don't know if I can keep it down.

So I was feeling REALLY shitty, then out of the a blue an old friend shows up in chat and we start talking.  I hadn't talked to her in over a year and we got to talking about her career and how she was unhappy in it, severely overworked and severely underpaid.  This is how the convo went (edit for brevity and clarity):



me: awwww... you seem so down when I talk to you now
you used to be so much more cheery
what happened to that girl?

her: i realized that my optimism was just a front for resisting failure
so now i'm afraid of failure and very aware that i am idle because of it

me: what? are you living life you like you've failed?

her: pretty much

me: just adjust your outlook, your expectations of self. I went through the exact same thing you're going through 9-10 years ago.
Life rarely goes according to plan. change plans

her: :|

me: easier said than done I know
you just gotta drop your younger and now less valid expectations of yourself
realize what you CAN do instead of what you CAN'T. seriously, when I was 23-24.. woah, that's like 10 years ago now... man I am OLD. I felt like such a loser. going nowhere
always looking at my failures

me: I am NOWHERE I thought I would be when I was 18-22
but I adjusted

me: just because you can't find the path you were on previously doesn't mean you're lost


So I had to swallow another pill of mine today.  How can I dispense advice not take some of it myself?  I despise hypocrisy so I am going to try my best to find a new path; give up searching for the old one.  Even though the old one may have been the yellow brick road, maybe it wasn't meant for my feet.  I am sure that now more than ever, I am  meant to walk the tough and uphill road.  Every time I think I find a road that will take me where I want to go, I get thrown off it and land hard on my ass.  But life's a journey right?  I just gotta get up, dust myself off, put my feet on that rough and rocky path and force my tired legs to walk. But that will just make my feet tougher, make my legs stronger, so that when the next obstacle comes, it'll be that much easier to overcome.

Thanks for showing up at the right time today, you've made my day better and my own medicine a little bit easier to swallow.

"It is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail." - Abraham Maslow

After a While

I was sent this poem a long time ago, perhaps 12 years ago now.  I haven't read it in a while, but it holds a dear place in my heart not for the person who sent it to me, but for the meaning it has to me now.  When I first read this over a dozen years ago, I was very young and overly optimistic.  I thought that love conquered all, that all you need is love.  Every few years since then I've revisited these words, and I've been able to soak up a little more of it's solemn wisdom every time.  With every good-bye, whether I've said them or someone has said it to me, I've learned.

After a While

After a while you learn

The subtle difference between

Holding a hand and chaining a soul

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning

And company doesn't always mean security.

And you begin to learn

That kisses aren't contracts

And presents aren't promises

And you begin to accept your defeats

With your head up and your eyes ahead

With the grace of a woman

Not the grief of a child

And you learn

To build all your roads on today

Because tomorrow's ground is

Too uncertain for plans

And futures have a way

Of falling down in mid flight

After a while you learn

That even sunshine burns if you get too much

So you plant your own garden

And decorate your own soul

Instead of waiting

For someone to bring you flowers

And you learn

That you really can endure

That you are really strong

And you really do have worth

And you learn and you learn

With every good bye you learn.

- Veronica A. Shoffstall

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." - Lao Tzu

Joke!

A store that sells husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
'Wow!' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous , Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

"A whore is a girl who sleeps with everyone... a bitch is a girl who sleeps with everyone but you" - Anonymous