Compartmentalizing Emotion

I've become kinda scared lately, at how well I can suppress emotion and use such a logical and factual light to see things. I'm a type of person who tries so hard not to be something that I can go overboard in the opposite direction. I believe the best way to analyze feeling and emotion is to step back and take a look and the underlying causes of the emotion and not to tackle the emotions head on. A lot of people make the mistake of trying to just clear the emotion but not the root of the issue. You can't put out a fire by just spraying the top of the flames, you gotta hit the base of the inferno. Back to my first sentence, I guess I've become so good at that type of analysis, at pushing emotion away, to see the "base of the fire", that I'm scared I may be numb to emotion. It's VERY hard for me to open up to someone, to let them in my door, to let them thumb through the pages of my life, to tell them the stories that make me who I am. Over the past 3 years, I've only allowed 2 people in my secret garden, only to have them take a brisk walk through and not only pluck at the few flowers I have growing, but not plant any flowers of their own. But then again, that's not fair, I never asked them to help plant my garden. But it would have been nice, yanno? I guess that's not totally the truth either, one I don't talk to much anymore, but the other I still maintain as a close friend. So I guess she's still helping me tend my garden. But I'm scared that as I compartmentalize my emotions of her more, that I am starting to slowly and irreversibly close my doors. How do you cut yourself off of such deep feelings for someone and still maintain a deep platonic friendship? That's one I still haven't figured out yet.

This quote, is one that I thought of when I was 15:

"Courage isn't about being unafraid, it's about being afraid and facing
your fears anyway." - SunriseSeeker