So In Love With Two

What do you do when there are two loves in your life, but being with one means hurting the other? Let's not ignore the moral implications and avoid the "it should never have happened in the first place" discussions please, that's not what this entry is about. Let's just imagine that somehow you got here, because let's face it, Love in most cases is beyond our control. So here you are, your heart as opened itself not only once, but twice, and to people who do not want to share you with the other.

I was going to lay down a scenario here, a little set-up of a setting, a small backstory, but after debating it, it would cause much less tangential bantering (to the scope of this entry anyway) and allow us to focus on the point. You're in the middle, doesn't matter how you got here, you're here, deal with it. While we're at it, to simplify things a little more, and to help gain focus to my point, let's just ignore the complication of sexual intercourse, children, and any other types of marital, financial, and social bindings. (are you starting to get a headache, cause I am a little).

Anyway, now that we're all here... what do we do? It tears your heart apart to have to hurt one, but you have to hurt one in order to spend time with the other. This is what I see for options:

1. ignore both (and hurting everyone in the process),
2. pick one (and seriously hurt the other, and yourself because you are leaving behind someone you love),
   
3. continue hurting both to satisfy your need to be with both, and of course, both of their needs to be with you.
   

So for #1, this will be the most fair to all parties I think, but being fair isn't always the right thing, right? As for #2, you will lose someone you deeply care about, and who cares about you, possibly forever, can you live with yourself after doing that? #3 the most selfish in my opinion, but at the same time, the other 2 options require you to hurt at least 1 other person. So for #3, should both the other parties learn to accept that there are just two important people in your life?

I've deliberately left the options and the pros and cons of them open, as to generate discussion. Please, send me some comments or write in my sidebar please.

I need to go to bed, it's 5:30 am over here, so please feel free to tell me I'm totally out to lunch on this one. If I have the time and the energy, I'll try and make a bit more sense.

I feel very Demotivatory tonight, so here's a another borrowed quote (and also might give you the gumption to reply to this entry):

"Compromise - Let's agree to respect each others views, no matter how wrong yours may be." - Quote from Demotivators

Grains of Sand In Your Palm

Being truly in love means that you accept the possibility of losing the one you love. For true love is unselfish. Being unselfish means that you are happy for them as long as they are happy. If their happiness lies somewhere else other than with you, although you are sad to see them go, somewhere underneath the sadness, it may be buried pretty deep, but in there somewhere, you are happy to know they have found their sunshine. Plus, love is like trying to hold sand in your hand, if you clench a fist and try and grip it tight... you get the idea. If you're having problems with trust, then maybe it's time to find someone else. To love is to trust, and if someone abuses that trust, they are abusing your love. Of course, like I've said in previous posts, take everything in moderation, there are exceptions to the rule!

"I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message." - Anonymous

Introspection Through Writing

I know my words aren't exactly revolutionary. In fact, I know that a lot of you out there, deep down inside you, already know these words on my page as your own. But it helps when you actually see your thoughts as words on a page, doesn't it? It helps reinforce your own thoughts, and may help you see things about yourself a little more clearly. That's another reason why this blog exists. My rants aren't just for people out here to read, but for my own mental reinforcement. I think that putting your own thoughts in writing can often help you organize your thoughts and maybe supply a little clairvoyance into your own thoughts and emotions. It's just like teaching. Teaching is a great way to understand something. It forces you to understand the foundations of what you are teaching, but more than that, it also requires you to understand the nuances and not only see the big picture of your subject matter, but the little things as well. Also for me, writing requires thinking, and sometimes (yah only sometimes) when I think, my train of thought can wander into places I haven't explored before. Even if you never publish anything you write, try writing something, you might discover something new about yourself or see something in this world you've never seen before.

"Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental." - Anonymous

I'd Rather You Hate Me For Who I Am...

...rather than like me for who I am not.

Growing up, I've seen a lot of fake people. I've befriended fake people (before I knew their true colours), been betrayed and hurt by them. Everyone wants to be liked, well almost everyone anyway. Some people though, go a little overboard to be accepted or liked. Now, I'm not saying that you shouldn't be nice to people because that would be fake. What I mean to say is that you shouldn't hide things about yourself, or be someone you're not just to impress others. Sooner or later the truth is going to come out and then what?

This is how I live my life: take me for who I am, know me before you judge me, if you dislike me after you get to know me, I'm not going to go out of my way to convince you to like me. All I want, is for people to like me/dislike me for the right reasons. Remember my mantra of moderation is the key to life? Well this also applies here. I'm not saying you should overwhelm people you meet with your personality either. Don't just lay all your cards out on the table. A little caution, timing, and tact (but not guile, there is a difference) is sometimes required, or else people will just think you're overbearing, arrogant, and/or attention seeking. I know I've been called those on occasion. In my defense, I admit I can be an expressive person who isn't afraid to show his emotion at times, or his opinion. And to top it off I don't get embarrassed easily. I'm not out here to make friends with everyone. Those who are my friends, those who care about me, those who love me, are there for me for the right reasons.

Another Successful Run!!

It was a gorgeous Sunday morning as I lined up at the start line for this year's CIBC Run for the Cure. It was a little windy but that didn't stop me from finishing the run in just over 22 minutes. Yes it was slower than last year but I have 2 excuses hehe. One, I got a HUGE charley horse from playing volleyball two days ago, AND I haven't been running as much this year because I've been busy. Anyway, my time isn't the successful part of the story. It was that thanks to my very generous friends, I have managed to personally raise $515. I am amazed at the generosity of my friends and value their support! I would like thank the following people who have came online and donated to trying to find a cure for breast cancer:

Stephanie Y
Karen C
Michelle C
Doug T
Derek C
Eric T
Eugene N
My brother Alex C
and my girlfriend who couldn't make the run due to work, Elaine T

I would also like to thank 3 other donors who were too shy to let me know who they were but thank goodness were still very generous!! One anonymous donor donated $100 alone!!

I ran with the same team I have the past 2 previous years, My Legs Hurt. We all had a great time and it's too to see the team getting larger (albeit slightly) over the years.

If you still want to donate to find a cure, please follow the following link. It is a secure site and you need one of the big 3 credit cards. Donations over $20 will receive a tax receipt over email in a matter of minutes. Remember that finding a cure for breast cancer can also open doors for understanding cancer in general.

https://www.cibcrunforthecure.com/html/personal_page.asp?track=1559674&languageid=1

The Dangers of Default Emotions Part 2

This entry is about a discussion of the temporal importance of default emotions. When we hear something that upsets us greatly, I think it is extremely important to take a break before reacting to the news. I think it's paramount to let the news soak in, let your heart and your brain adjust to the news. Give your brain time to use logic to control the wild emotions racing through your veins. Depending on how you handle emotion and how heavy the news is, I think it may take anywhere from 15 minutes to a couple of days. I know in my younger years I've done many rash things that I've regretted in the heat of the moment. It is also important I think to give other people the same consideration. What I mean is that if you know someone has just heard something that upsets them, maybe be a little more lenient with your forgiveness if they do something dumb, or something that's out of character. Let them know that you understand what they're doing is probably from rage or pain, and that you won't hold it against them, that you'll give them sometime to let the news sink in, and after it has, to talk to you again. Just remember that a little forgiveness and understanding can go a long way.

"Indifference - It takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile, but it doesn't take any to just sit there with a dumb look on your face." - Another wonderful Demotivators quote

Being Afraid to Need Someone

Letting yourself go enough to need someone can be pretty tough for someone who is very independent. I guess for some people it can be a hard thing: caring enough about someone to let them in, open up the gates to your garden and let them walk around freely. Sometimes it can be the fear of depending on them to be in your garden, your vault, so that it doesn't feel as empty that can prevent you from opening up. Let's face it, the secret area we keep locked, once we let someone in, they become a part of it. The thing is, unlike the other treasures in your garden, that person is a thing you can't control. You didn't put it there, which means that they're not a permanent fixture. That means that maybe someday, they may not want to be in there anymore. That's a thought that scares all of us. Keeping the door locked to your vault for too long may also mean that the other person may not want to step inside anymore. Being afraid to need someone can be a tough thing for both people. Another thing about opening yourself up is being vulnerable. I mentioned in the last entry that caring about someone sometimes can mean putting your heart in their hands. Well, when you open up the door, the person stepping through may destroy the fortunes you have locked inside, and that's cause enough for some people to be very reluctant and keep that door locked tight. On the flipside of that same coin though, that person may become the most valued treasure in there. It's always a risk opening up yes, but isn't a lifetime of happiness worth a moment of heartache?

Being single for a long time, and then starting a relationship is tough. You have your own world, your own time, your own things to do. I understand that it's tough to give up things that matter to you. You are a strong person by yourself. It can be a battle at times to step off your firm ground onto a surface that is shaky. Patience, undestanding and of course, communication are the things which can help the venture off terra firma an easier one to take.

"Love is like a mountain, hard to climb, but once you get to the top the view is beautiful." - Daniel Monroe Tuttle

Love...Actually...Maybe?

A very tough thing about letting yourself go enough to really care about someone, and eventually falling in love, is we expect reciprocation. Yes, they say true love doesn't need reciprocation, but I'm talking about the act of falling for someone. What I'm trying to say is that falling for someone means putting your heart into their hands, and that can be a frightening prospect. I think being in love with someone means that your happiness ultimately depends on the other person's happiness. That's a scary thing no? This also reinforces the idea that true love doesn't need reciprocation; all you need is for the other person to be happy. But of course for a fruitful and healthy relationship, the return of love is definitely on top of the checklist of must haves.

"Love isn't blind; it just only sees what matters." - William Curry