Alignment

I have never in my life really felt... aligned.  Don't get me wrong I've been happy.  But I've never had that complete feeling that where I am, is where I'm supposed to be.  There's always been something missing...  I know that I should be happy with what I have, and I am.  But I've never had the feeling of, for lack of a better word, alignment. 

So I was recently given a book to read from a female friend, "He's Just Not That Into You".  Yes I know it's a chick book, but I think that ANYONE looking for advice in relationships will find that it holds value.  Anyway, the book has helped me remember that when someone really cares about you, they won't forget to call you, won't be "too busy" for you, won't have more important things to do.  In fact, it'll be quite the opposite.  They'll go out of their way to talk to you or be with you. They can't wait to see you, can't wait to talk to you, do things outside their comfort zone to make you feel special.  Not to mention that they show appreciation for the things you do for them.  You won't have to make excuses for them because they constantly disappoint or hurt you, because if they really cared about you, they wouldn't put you in that position in the first place.  That's the kind of love I want, someone who puts me first and goes out of their way to show it, because that's what I offer in return.  You may think, "Wow you must think you're hot shit to think you deserve someone like that."  But the thing is, I think EVERYONE deserves that.  And when you're in love, that sort of thing comes automatically.  When you love someone, doing something for them doesn't feel like "work".  It puts a smile on your face knowing that they'll receive happiness from your effort.  Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic.  I know I may never find that person, and it scares me.  It really scares the friggin' shit outta me.  I was told by the same friend who lent me the book that "it takes more courage to choose the harder route than to take the easy way and settle, which too many people do these days." Maybe it's courage, or maybe it's just bullheadedness.  Sometimes I wonder if I'm really willing to grow old and die single, rather than have settled for someone who makes me less than truly happy.  I hope it doesn't come down to that.

“If I had a single flower for every time I think about you, I could walk forever in my garden.” - Claudia Ghandi