Life's Little Victories

I've tried hard recently to overcome my fears in the recent past. Not the major demons that still haunt me, but defeating even the little ones deserves some recognition no?

About a year ago, a group of us went to visit a friend in Calgary. She lived on the 4th floor and had a balcony that extended the entire floor. In the morning, while everyone was still getting ready to go out, I decided it would be a good time to use the balcony to try and get over my fear of heights. My friend came out to find me, and seeing me standing on the corner, snapped a few pics without me knowing, this being one of them:

I stood on that ledge for 15-20 minutes, swallowing all the butterflies, trying not to let my weak knees or trembling limbs be the reason I lost my balance and experience freefall for a few brief seconds. Did it work? I'm not sure. I know that aversion therapy takes more than one session. But every time the breeze behind me picked up even a little, causing my body to sway away from the safety of the concrete behind me, causing the nausea and dizziness to grow, I fought every instinct to step back towards my safe haven, and instead to continue, to endure overlooking the ledge although my brain screamed at every muscle in me being to move back.

Bare with me here, I am about to jump to another related anecdote.

Came back from a snowboarding trip last weekend, and conquered another one of my fears. I love jumps, grabbing air, or at least I did when I skied (I skied for 11 years before I took up riding 4 years ago). However, my riding skills aren't that spectacular. This last trip, the snow was rather shitty, so my friend and I spent most of our time in the terrain park, trying to improve our jumps. Well, it was the last run of the day and I was approaching the jump with considerably high velocity. But instead of slowing down like I usually would out of fear of serious injury, I said "fuck it, let's do this shit" and grabbed the biggest air ever in my life; even managed to perform a decent grab.



Yes, I'm pleased with myself. I am proud of the little internal victory I achieved. I faced a fear and beat it, and it feels good. It may not seem like a big deal to you, but try it, just something small. It may needn't be a huge fear, just do something that frightens you a little, something outside your comfort circle. Don't be discouraged if you don't succeed, learn from it, and don't do the same thing next time =). Endure, win life's little victories, it makes life worth living and much more fun and interesting.

"Improvement cannot come if one is not willing to fail." - Unknown