Letting Go of the Hate

I wrote this 5 years ago in a semi-private journal I had.

I'm more messed up than I thought I was... for those who don't know, my ex and I work at the same place. Well, not anymore, last night was her last shift... and as much as I hate that bitch, for some strange reason I can't explain... when I looked at her old locker, and saw the absence of her lock, I felt this queer empty feeling inside me, like I was going to miss her. And just as that feeling hit, I felt all disgusted with myself and thought "how the hell can I miss someone that's cheated on me twice and lied to me so many times?" But then during my next break, I found my eyes wandering towards the direction of her locker, and a small part of me wishes that the lock was still there.... sigh... I need WAAAAAAY more therapy than I originally thought.

One of my good friends (back then) wrote this as a reply:

I don't think you need therapy cause you feel like you miss your ex (when she left work) who cheated and lie to you so many times. I think it's actually quite normal. It makes you human and you should feel good about it 'cause no matter how much a person hurts you you still are able to find a teeny weeny bit of love and tenderness in your heart. Not very many people can do that ... most people just hold on to the hate. I don't think that's really smart cause when you have so much hate in your heart you have no room for love and that's a waste cause you never know who you might have loved. Just a thought.


I took my friend's advice to heart and I hope if there is someone else in a similar situation out there, that they listen to her too.