Audience (or lack thereof)

"My Life... (or at least my version of it)", was created because I felt because I have been through so much shit in my life that, if at least another person could learn from it, find insight from it, or at the very least be entertained by it, then my life, would have served a purpose.  As the translation from thought to electronic ink continued, it became cathartic.  Just like how a teacher can learn even more by teaching, I believe that I grew, and learned by writing about my life.  To me, writing is not a just straight dictation of words in my head to words on a page.  Throughout the process I sometimes pause to ask myself questions, as if I were an anonymous reader, or sometimes as an acquaintance, or even as a good friend.  But lately, as you can tell, my blog as been nary of updates.  I think now it is because my experiences that I have had in the last few years, have been the same experiences that everyone else has had, that my life has settled down and I no longer have these crazy stories to tell.  I may get a random thought here and there I'd like to share. I am not a huge social media person.  Although I do have Twitter and Facebook accounts.  I rarely use them.  I actually despise what social media has become in a way, where everyone thinks that they need to tell the world what they had for lunch, or put up five hundred pictures of their kids.  Social media has turned a lot of people in society to what I call the "me too" generation.  Too many now think that they are special, that others actually care about their mundane lives.  Don't get me wrong, I love social media in that it keeps us informed, entertained, and allows us to connect globally.  What I dislike is just that too many people try to grab attention or think that they are more important than they actually are.

Sorry to backtrack here a bit, but my thoughts aren't always as coherent as I would like them to be.  Anyway, when I started my blog, I was actually quite content with no readership (like right now, LOL).  I don't advertise my blog, I don't tell my friends about it, who ever stumbles upon this site must do so almost accidentally (of course there are some exceptions to the rule).  I still am very happy if these words of mine get read only by me, to serve as my personal memoirs.

Anyway, to those who are returning visitors, know that I am extremely happy where I am right now, and   thanks for remembering that I still exist.

 "Let us learn to appreciate there will be times when the trees will be bare, and look forward to the time when we may pick the fruit." - Anton Chekov

Well of course I talk to myself...

... I'm usually the only one who can understand me.

"If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything." - Mark Twain

Mad Props!

A picture of Facebook post I came accross in my internet travels to start off today's post:

I have so much more respect when I see "un-fit" people working their asses off at the gym than the "fit" people who cheat on the stair master or otherwise half ass it on their workouts. Props to this chick whoever she is and to other people like her trying to make a difference in themselves; if you catch me staring at you at the gym, it's out of respect and not out of mockery.  Bullies are nothing more than cowards who hide their own shame and disgust with themselves under taunts and insults.

"There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man.  True nobility is being superior to your former self." - Ernest Hemingway

Saturday Afternoon Quickies

Some quotes and a passage which I felt like sharing today.

"You have never truly loved until you have given up something for someone and never expected repayment." - Sunrise Seeker

"Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die" - Buddha 

"If you're wrong and you shut up, you're wise. If you're right and you shut up, you're married." - Anonymous

"Remembering dead hope is easier than trying to keep reviving it." - Anonymous

"The only way to make sure you never get hurt is to never risk anything." - Sunrise Seeker 

"A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for."  - John A. Shedd,

"Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them. If you do, they might break your heart...if you don't, you might break theirs." - Unknown

You might be best friends one year, pretty good friends the next year, don't talk that often the next, and don't want to talk at all the year after that. So, I just wanted to say, even if I never talk to you again in my life, you are special to me and you have made a difference in my life.

Dreams at 6am

Silence

The ghost of you still echoes in my mind,

These sweet memories of you are cruel and not kind.

Each second a painful reminder of what should have been,

Each lingering sensation, tingles on my skin.

The bed is still warm to the touch.

You said over time I would stop loving you so much.

It's been forever and day, nothing has changed,

I wish we could have left things estranged.

How am I supposed to let this go?

Each tear drop, my heart screaming no.

My body still shakes when I hear your voice,

I can't help it, I really have no choice.

This fire for you I tried to battle and douse,

Why is it I can still hear you in my house?

Your voice reverbing in my very soul.

Our time together has taken its toll…

The paintings in my mind of us are all false,

No partner in this dance, my last waltz.

I must slowly, painfully rip you from my heart.

I wish, I knew how to start.

The strength in my spirit is all but gone,

I’ll try to fake a smile and keep moving on.

I hope he’ll never again make you cry,

I hope he loves you as much as I,

I hope he becomes the man you desire,

Only then can I begin to retire.

I really don't have that strength,
To become silent so soon.
I will learn how to give you up,
It's because I still love you so much.

- Sunrise Seeker

Eventualities

At some point I will have to realize that I have done too much for them, that the only next possible step is to stop.  Not because I'm giving up, and it's not like I don't have the will or the fight to try anymore, but because I cannot give away the last pieces of me that make me, well, me.  I have to find where determination ends and desperation begins and stop at that line.  I'll have to leave them alone and walk away.  I will get what I truly deserve, whatever is truly meant to be mine, will eventually be.  What is not, no matter how hard I try, no matter how much I give, I must realize, will never be.

"We spend our childhood trying to "fit in", and our adulthood trying to "stand out"." - Anonymous

Rick Rolled

75% of people don't know the opposite words for the following

1) Always
2) Coming
3) From
4) Take
5) Me
6) Down

"It's hard to wait around for something you know might never happen; but it's even harder to give up when you know it's everything you want." - Anonymous

P.S.

After reading this,  I have to remember to go all out and to not do things half-assed.

"I work as hard as I play, I love as hard as I hate, and because I put so much effort into things I do, I usually either pass with flying colours or fail spectacularly"