Dreams at 6am

Silence

The ghost of you still echoes in my mind,

These sweet memories of you are cruel and not kind.

Each second a painful reminder of what should have been,

Each lingering sensation, tingles on my skin.

The bed is still warm to the touch.

You said over time I would stop loving you so much.

It's been forever and day, nothing has changed,

I wish we could have left things estranged.

How am I supposed to let this go?

Each tear drop, my heart screaming no.

My body still shakes when I hear your voice,

I can't help it, I really have no choice.

This fire for you I tried to battle and douse,

Why is it I can still hear you in my house?

Your voice reverbing in my very soul.

Our time together has taken its toll…

The paintings in my mind of us are all false,

No partner in this dance, my last waltz.

I must slowly, painfully rip you from my heart.

I wish, I knew how to start.

The strength in my spirit is all but gone,

I’ll try to fake a smile and keep moving on.

I hope he’ll never again make you cry,

I hope he loves you as much as I,

I hope he becomes the man you desire,

Only then can I begin to retire.

I really don't have that strength,
To become silent so soon.
I will learn how to give you up,
It's because I still love you so much.

- Sunrise Seeker

Eventualities

At some point I will have to realize that I have done too much for them, that the only next possible step is to stop.  Not because I'm giving up, and it's not like I don't have the will or the fight to try anymore, but because I cannot give away the last pieces of me that make me, well, me.  I have to find where determination ends and desperation begins and stop at that line.  I'll have to leave them alone and walk away.  I will get what I truly deserve, whatever is truly meant to be mine, will eventually be.  What is not, no matter how hard I try, no matter how much I give, I must realize, will never be.

"We spend our childhood trying to "fit in", and our adulthood trying to "stand out"." - Anonymous

Rick Rolled

75% of people don't know the opposite words for the following

1) Always
2) Coming
3) From
4) Take
5) Me
6) Down

"It's hard to wait around for something you know might never happen; but it's even harder to give up when you know it's everything you want." - Anonymous

P.S.

After reading this,  I have to remember to go all out and to not do things half-assed.

"I work as hard as I play, I love as hard as I hate, and because I put so much effort into things I do, I usually either pass with flying colours or fail spectacularly"

One Hell of a Journey

I knew I kept a blog for a reason!  I was reading through my blog from scratch...and I can't believe that I have 7 years of life encoded on some hard drive somewhere on some random server on this Earth.  Anyway, reading through my blog and more importantly the comments that some people have made has reminded me of the inner strength that I have, and I feel rejuvenated.  And man have I been lacking strength lately.  I am thankful for the people who took more than just a passing interest in my blog, took some time to read a post or two, and leave comments.  I've had some great people in and out of my life.  Reading their comments on my blog is like watching a movie about my life.  It's brought a smile to my face, and yes even some tears.  I've re-learned that even the toughest journey begins with the smallest steps.  Reading through my words has reminded me of how strong I really am, how I have endured and survived.  It's also revived a spirit in me that I forgot I had.  Through following some comments and reading through some other blogs, I came accross this quote:

"Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy." - Thich Nhat Hanh

I will smile again.  Soon... I really will.

Resolve

Is it weakness that we hang on to things that make us weak?  Or is it strength that we use to do so, to remind us where we are fallable.  Is it possible to get strength from that weakness?  Maybe that's where true strength comes from, when we conquer the things that make us frail?

"If I could conquer the world with one hand I wouldn't do it unless I was holding yours with my other." - Unknown

Language of the Soul

Is it just me, or is it when you're sad, and I mean like bawl your eyes out, pillow soaked, can't breathe sad, that music seems to sound so much better?

Even after all this time, the Sun never says to the Earth "You owe me."
Look what happens, with a love like that, It lights the whole sky. - Hafiz

Self Deception

When I find myself in a shitty situation, when living through the next day seems impossible, I tell myself this:

Life doesn't give you what you want, it gives you what you need.

Of course, the tough part, is forcing myself to believe it.

 "The truth will set you free but first it's gonna piss you off" - Gloria Steinem