Sacrifice, or Selfishness?

Quite a few years ago, I met this girl, let's call her Darla. I met Darla at work and we hit it off quite well. She was a few years younger than me, and while usually that's not important, it is in this case because she was at the important age of 19-21, an age where there are huge transitions in life. Darla wasn't your typical hot blonde. Oh don't get me wrong, she was blonde and she was hot (being a competitive swimmer kept her in VERY nice shape). But you see, I'm not usually attracted to hot blondes. What got me hooked was her quirky sense of humour, her amazing intelligence, but most importantly, she was for her age, uncharacteristically mature. In fact, it was her maturity that made her stand out from the rest. Yup Darla was quite the package.

Anyway, to make a long story short, Darla showed an interest in me too. We hung out together outside of work, and always had fun. We went on a road trip together along with a mutual friend and we had one of the best times of my life. So how come Darla and I never hooked up? Well, that's the reason why this entry is here. I want to ask you, the reader, what would you have done in my shoes and maybe just spark a discussion (something this blog has lacked for a loooong time). Now, I have to fill you in with a little background so you can fully understand my side of this.

I was about 22-23 years of age and totally lost in life. I was working at a job which I could not see as being my career. I was having huge problems with school, and honestly I couldn't see my future as being very bright. Basically I was stuck in a HUGE rut and feeling really shitty. Most people don't know this about me, but I am my own toughest critic. When I get down on myself, it gets pretty bad. Now, I really liked Darla, A LOT, and apparently the feeling was very mutual. As mentioned previously, we worked together. But this job for her was a stop gap. She was going back to school in the next half year and it was her plan to goto the US to study to be an electrical or chemical engineer. She mentioned that she really wanted to work at NASA. Darla had big plans with her life. Now, I knew that if we got together there would have been fireworks, it would have been great, and I knew that Darla would have tried to make it work even long distance, she's that type of responsible person. But I thought that the right thing to do was to let her go. At that point, my life wasn't going anywhere, and I couldn't see it going anywhere. She, on the other hand, was about to take her first step to what I knew would be a very successful life. I thought in my mind that I would just be holding her back, and although we might be really happy for a few short months, in the long term she'd be better off free, without me. I knew what life was like at University, and I thought that being tied down to a long-distance boyfriend with no future in sight would be a hindrance. Yes it made me really sad that I was giving up a chance to date someone like her, but I thought that the sacrifice would in the end make her (and I guess to a certain degree, me) happier in the long run.

I've told this story to only a couple of people, and they've told me that instead of being unselfish like I intended, I was actually being the opposite because I was making a decision for her. That since she wanted a relationship I just should have tried and make it work and see what happened. While I agree with this view, and I would have offered the same advice to a friend if they were in a similar situation, I have to reiterate the point that I was at one of the lowest points in my life during that time. I didn't think I had a future and I thought that she deserved better, MUCH better. I think it was three or four weeks after our roadtrip, and after multiple chances I had to start a relationship with her, she called me and asked me out for a drink. We talked and laughed, and at the end of the night, she told me that she was starting to see someone. See, that's the kind of maturity I was talking about; it's hard to find. We were still friends after that but not for too long after; we lost touch after she quit work and went off to school.

Now, I know there are at least a few of you asking for an epilogue to this story. Unfortunately I've lost touch with Darla. A couple of years ago I heard that she actually ended up going to school in Ontario (I think) and actually ended up dating someone from our old work place while she was there. He went to school in the US and they tried the long-d thing. I'm not sure what happened after that. It would be nice to see how she's doing. I saw her two years ago at the start line of the CIBC Run for the Cure briefly. We just managed to exchange hellos before the run started. Through a complete coincidence I chatted with someone who was close friends with her and she gave me her email address. I emailed Darla, but never received a reply.

"By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began to suspect 'Hungry.' - From The Far Side, by Gary Larson