Asking the Right Questions

I'm a firm believer in growing. I never want to stop growing. I like expanding my horizons, trying new things. I don't mean physical events like skydiving (which I still need to do) or eating new foods, I mean exploring different ways of thinking, different dogma, different situations. I believe that you should shake your foundations, ask yourself what you believe in and why. Ask yourself why you haven't done something you'd really like to do, list the reasons preventing you, and then start on ways of elminating those reasons. Self-discovery is a process that should end only in death (or perhaps when you're very very old). It's unfortunate, but most of us only explore our deep inner-selves only when we hit rock bottom. But that's understandable. Why ask a question when an answer is not required? I have to admit, I was that way. In fact, I do my deepest thinking when I'm lonely, or depressed. But I've learned to "think" even when I am not unhappy. The thing is, I've met people who don't seem interested in expanding themselves, even when all it takes is asking the right questions. On the other hand, I've met people who make me look at things in a new light. I've also met a few people who inspire me to ask the right questions. I've met even fewer people who I can discuss those questions with. Meeting someone who isn't afraid to broaden their horizons and helps me widen my own is extremely rare. I can say I have only met 2 people like that in my life. I hope all of you reading this have someone out there who makes you want to be a better person and helps you in some way of achieving it.

"Beauty - If you're attractive enough on the outside, people will forgive you for being irritating to the core." - Quote from Demotivators Calendar.

Misunderstood

I know that there are people out there who don't like me because they think that I am trying to show off or out do them. If you read my blog, or know me, then you know I'm not about that. Of course I get a sense of accomplishment from achieveing, but it's because I want to win against myself, and do the best I can, not because I want to achieve over you or show how good I am at something. Don't get me wrong, there are times you just wanna show how good you are at something, because let's face it, I do have pride! But I try not to accumulate pride at the expense of others. I try and let my accomplishments speak for themselves. Another thing that people perceive incorrectly about me, is my tendency to be loud, obnoxious and do some crazy shit at times. It's not because I want to be the centre of attention, but it's because I want my friends to laugh and have a good time. I'm having a good time if all my friends are having a good time. I actually don't like being the centre of attention and can be quite anti-social at times. I call myself an outgoing introvert. Yah, try and figure that one out! My reason for trying to shine as bright as I can isn't to drown out your light, but to show you that you can shine just as bright.

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Albert Einstein

Immortality

How do we want to be remembered, if at all? Being a non-religious person of limited creativity, my mind fails to believe in the common definition of "afterlife". The afterlife to me, is the little pieces of yourself you leave behind in this world, the memories and emotions you imprint onto others. The sad but true fact is, that according to my definition, my afterlife won't survive past my great-grandchildren. Yup, they say that 3 generations is the most your memory will carry for. Is that why so many people seek fame? If not for the power, but then to be remembered past their children's children's sons and daughters? I guess that's why others seek religion, they can't stand the fact that memory will fade, they want to believe that the life they live down here, somehow, will amount to a good life up there. Well, I live the way I do because even though I may not explicitly be remembered by future generations, I want to be implicitly remembered at least through the way they live. I want my great-great-great-grandchildren to grow up being true to themselves and to not do what is popular, but do what they think is right, to test themselves and discover their strengths and weaknesses, to not settle, to use facts in decision making but to also know sometimes it's ok to think with your heart, to appreciate beauty in all its forms, that when it comes to friends, quality, and not quantity, is what matters, be honourable, to suffer short term pain for long term gain, to endure and persevere even when your world is falling apart, that sometimes all we have is our soul, our word, and our faith, to lead by example, that humility is a virtue and not a weakness, that it's ok to strive for and buy nice things as long as the purpose of having them is not to show off, to try not to be ignorant or arrogant, but sometimes the former can't be helped, and if that's the case, definitely do not be the the latter, to do unto others what they would have others do to them. And if someone should ask them why they live their life like that, I want them to answer: "Because that is how I was raised."

"To be remembered forever, that is the secret to immortality." - SunriseSeeker

Your support needed!! CIBC Run for the Cure

This will be my 2nd year participating in the CIBC Run for the Cure. I will be doing the 5KM run. For those unfamiliar with this event, it is a fund raiser for breast cancer and it is a Canada-wide run that will take place on the morning of Sunday October 2nd. Over 170 000 people participated in 2004. Last year I finished the run in 23 minutes or so. This year I am aiming for 18-19 minutes. My team name is My Legs Hurt, so far we have 10 members. There's also a 1KM walk for those that think 5KM is too much for them. If you are in the Edmonton area, and are interested in dong the run/walk and would like to join a team, please contact me by leaving me a comment and I will let you know the details on how to join. If you like to support the cause but are unable to participate, you can always sponsor me!! =) You can even donate online. It's quick, easy and secure! You can pay by VISA, MasterCard or American Express. Within 20 minutes, you will receive a taxreceipt for any donation that has been successfully received.

To donate click here https://www.cibcrunforthecure.com/html/p.asp?t=1214535&l=1 (it's a secure site).

For more information you can follow these links www.cbcf.org www.cibcrunforthecure.com

Thanks to all those who donate, not just from me, but from the millions who are affected by cancer!

Hidden Voice

Rest in Pieces

Look at me, my depth perception must be off again
Cause this hurts deeper than I thought it did
It has not healed with time
It just shot down my spine

You look so beautiful tonight
Remind me how you laid us down
And gently smiled
before you destroyed my life

Would you find it in your heart
To make this go away
And let me rest in pieces
Would you find it in your heart
To make this go away
And let me rest in pieces

Look at me, my depth perception must be off again
You got much closer than I thought you did
I am in your reach
You held me in your hands

- Saliva

"The only way to overcome temptation is to give in to it" - Oscar Wilde

In/Sanity

I went to a wedding just this past Sunday. On the front of the program was the theme "Today I marry my Best Friend". The couple was the perfect emobdiment of the phrase. It inspired me to make a short and impromptu toast to the bride and groom. In that toast, I used the quote "Love isn't one soul finding another, but half of one soul finding it's other half." I guess that the whole best friend/soul mate thing is exactly what I was talking about in my previous post. Marrying a best friend I think would be ideal. The toughest thing is, finding that someone, but then through some force of nature or fate or curse, losing them. I'm still in recovery, last Sunday taught me that, in one way or another.

"Loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is the richness of self." - May Sarton

Two Birds with One Blog

I wrote this as a comment on http://iknowpi.blogspot.com/.

It looks like you see the world in a different set of eyes than others do. I always have, since I was very young, and I knew I was different. A lot of times it was more of a burden than a blessing, as I realized (the hard way) that not everybody in this world is ready to change their perspective on life, or ready to try something new, or even ready to listen to what you have to say. I think that's why we're anti-social at times. We feel trapped by our own thoughts. I'm 29 now, and only 1 or 2 ppl on this earth truly know all of me, the real me. It is such a relief though to find someone else who you can communicate with, I mean truly talk to, without holding back or even "thinking" about what you're going to say before you say it; just being able to speak what's on your mind without wondering what they're going to think of you. I guess that's why we choose to blog, although it's a bit more refined than conversation, it allows us to speak our mind to whoever wants to listen, and hopefully, someone, will truly understand what we're trying to say.

I want that kind of freedom, that freedom of thought, freedom of not worrying about what the people I care about think of me. It's not like I live life not experessing myself, and it's not like I watch what I say all the time for fear of people disliking me. I've always had the mentality of "To know me is to love me, or perhaps to hate me. Anyway, here I am, take it or leave it." I am living my life so that the only people who can hurt me, and therefore who's opinions matter to me, are the ones I care about. And as expressive as I am, as open as I am, they still don't know all of who I am. My close friends know "enough" of me to know who the core "me" is, but I can only think of 2 people who know pretty much all the layers to this onion. I think that's why I've been single for so long. My friends say I'm picky, but really I'm not. I just want to find that chemistry with someone whom I can open the doors to my mind and let things fly freely. Where I can be as silly or as serious as I want to be and know that they are on the same page, even the same sentence as I am. I'm getting old, and my clock is ticking, but I won't, I CAN'T SETTLE, for anything less.

I then wrote this as a response to something else that person wrote (edited for clarity and spelling):

Some people cannot see too far outside their own skin, cannot even see far enough inside themselves to truly see what is going on in there. We live in a society where it seems like it is more important to drive an Escalade or wear Burberry than it is to discover why we have emptiness inside us. Instead people try to fill up the void with material goods. But like I've said in earlier entries, that's not the correct way of doing things. You need to put out the fire by attacking the base, and not just by spraying at the flames. What they don't realize is that the void will just keep sucking things up and remain a void. You need to analyze why it is there in the first place and not just try to fill it with material things.

2 birds down, a few hundred more to go...

"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." - Henry David Thoreau

Ready, But Unwilling

Why is it that even though I can plainly see the trap, I still venture towards it? Perhaps it's the reward on the other side should I make it past the trap that is so luring? But what if that reward itself is just an illusion, an illusion that leads me back to what I've been trying to avoid? The blurring of the outcomes is causing me to not move at all. I hate this, hate being stuck in a moment. I still don't know how you got so close after I tried so hard not to let you in. Like an addict that wants to quit but just can't, the taste of the high still fresh... I want to quit, GOD DAMN it I want to, but the high is so good, so right...

I need sleep...