I'd Rather You Hate Me For Who I Am...

...rather than like me for who I am not.

Growing up, I've seen a lot of fake people. I've befriended fake people (before I knew their true colours), been betrayed and hurt by them. Everyone wants to be liked, well almost everyone anyway. Some people though, go a little overboard to be accepted or liked. Now, I'm not saying that you shouldn't be nice to people because that would be fake. What I mean to say is that you shouldn't hide things about yourself, or be someone you're not just to impress others. Sooner or later the truth is going to come out and then what?

This is how I live my life: take me for who I am, know me before you judge me, if you dislike me after you get to know me, I'm not going to go out of my way to convince you to like me. All I want, is for people to like me/dislike me for the right reasons. Remember my mantra of moderation is the key to life? Well this also applies here. I'm not saying you should overwhelm people you meet with your personality either. Don't just lay all your cards out on the table. A little caution, timing, and tact (but not guile, there is a difference) is sometimes required, or else people will just think you're overbearing, arrogant, and/or attention seeking. I know I've been called those on occasion. In my defense, I admit I can be an expressive person who isn't afraid to show his emotion at times, or his opinion. And to top it off I don't get embarrassed easily. I'm not out here to make friends with everyone. Those who are my friends, those who care about me, those who love me, are there for me for the right reasons.

Another Successful Run!!

It was a gorgeous Sunday morning as I lined up at the start line for this year's CIBC Run for the Cure. It was a little windy but that didn't stop me from finishing the run in just over 22 minutes. Yes it was slower than last year but I have 2 excuses hehe. One, I got a HUGE charley horse from playing volleyball two days ago, AND I haven't been running as much this year because I've been busy. Anyway, my time isn't the successful part of the story. It was that thanks to my very generous friends, I have managed to personally raise $515. I am amazed at the generosity of my friends and value their support! I would like thank the following people who have came online and donated to trying to find a cure for breast cancer:

Stephanie Y
Karen C
Michelle C
Doug T
Derek C
Eric T
Eugene N
My brother Alex C
and my girlfriend who couldn't make the run due to work, Elaine T

I would also like to thank 3 other donors who were too shy to let me know who they were but thank goodness were still very generous!! One anonymous donor donated $100 alone!!

I ran with the same team I have the past 2 previous years, My Legs Hurt. We all had a great time and it's too to see the team getting larger (albeit slightly) over the years.

If you still want to donate to find a cure, please follow the following link. It is a secure site and you need one of the big 3 credit cards. Donations over $20 will receive a tax receipt over email in a matter of minutes. Remember that finding a cure for breast cancer can also open doors for understanding cancer in general.

https://www.cibcrunforthecure.com/html/personal_page.asp?track=1559674&languageid=1

The Dangers of Default Emotions Part 2

This entry is about a discussion of the temporal importance of default emotions. When we hear something that upsets us greatly, I think it is extremely important to take a break before reacting to the news. I think it's paramount to let the news soak in, let your heart and your brain adjust to the news. Give your brain time to use logic to control the wild emotions racing through your veins. Depending on how you handle emotion and how heavy the news is, I think it may take anywhere from 15 minutes to a couple of days. I know in my younger years I've done many rash things that I've regretted in the heat of the moment. It is also important I think to give other people the same consideration. What I mean is that if you know someone has just heard something that upsets them, maybe be a little more lenient with your forgiveness if they do something dumb, or something that's out of character. Let them know that you understand what they're doing is probably from rage or pain, and that you won't hold it against them, that you'll give them sometime to let the news sink in, and after it has, to talk to you again. Just remember that a little forgiveness and understanding can go a long way.

"Indifference - It takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile, but it doesn't take any to just sit there with a dumb look on your face." - Another wonderful Demotivators quote

Being Afraid to Need Someone

Letting yourself go enough to need someone can be pretty tough for someone who is very independent. I guess for some people it can be a hard thing: caring enough about someone to let them in, open up the gates to your garden and let them walk around freely. Sometimes it can be the fear of depending on them to be in your garden, your vault, so that it doesn't feel as empty that can prevent you from opening up. Let's face it, the secret area we keep locked, once we let someone in, they become a part of it. The thing is, unlike the other treasures in your garden, that person is a thing you can't control. You didn't put it there, which means that they're not a permanent fixture. That means that maybe someday, they may not want to be in there anymore. That's a thought that scares all of us. Keeping the door locked to your vault for too long may also mean that the other person may not want to step inside anymore. Being afraid to need someone can be a tough thing for both people. Another thing about opening yourself up is being vulnerable. I mentioned in the last entry that caring about someone sometimes can mean putting your heart in their hands. Well, when you open up the door, the person stepping through may destroy the fortunes you have locked inside, and that's cause enough for some people to be very reluctant and keep that door locked tight. On the flipside of that same coin though, that person may become the most valued treasure in there. It's always a risk opening up yes, but isn't a lifetime of happiness worth a moment of heartache?

Being single for a long time, and then starting a relationship is tough. You have your own world, your own time, your own things to do. I understand that it's tough to give up things that matter to you. You are a strong person by yourself. It can be a battle at times to step off your firm ground onto a surface that is shaky. Patience, undestanding and of course, communication are the things which can help the venture off terra firma an easier one to take.

"Love is like a mountain, hard to climb, but once you get to the top the view is beautiful." - Daniel Monroe Tuttle

Love...Actually...Maybe?

A very tough thing about letting yourself go enough to really care about someone, and eventually falling in love, is we expect reciprocation. Yes, they say true love doesn't need reciprocation, but I'm talking about the act of falling for someone. What I'm trying to say is that falling for someone means putting your heart into their hands, and that can be a frightening prospect. I think being in love with someone means that your happiness ultimately depends on the other person's happiness. That's a scary thing no? This also reinforces the idea that true love doesn't need reciprocation; all you need is for the other person to be happy. But of course for a fruitful and healthy relationship, the return of love is definitely on top of the checklist of must haves.

"Love isn't blind; it just only sees what matters." - William Curry

Raison d'etre

Someone wrote to me:

i know alot of people must say they relate to your writing. its not exactly relating for me, it was more like realizing. it's well known that being heartbroken is a universal feeling, mostly everyone will feel it one time or another...but honestly when you are in it, you feel like you are the only person in the world who feels that specific way

This is a reason why my blog exists. One of my friends a while back commented in my CBox and asked why I keep this piece of cyberspace alive, why I haven't slayed the demons for good and moved on. I told him that this *is* part of my moving on process, and that if my experiences help at least one other person out there, then it's reason enough to keep it. It's not like I dwell on my past and keep reliving it though, I've moved on.

"Those who ignore history are doomed to repeat it." - George Santayana

The quote is a little dramatic I realize for the scope of this blog, but that doesn't diminish the reason for its existence. Here I am, spewing forth my mental Jabberwocky (please pardon me, Mr. Carroll for using the title to your awesome poem so liberally), hoping that others out there can get there own meaning, that (like the above quoted person said, when you're drowning in your own pool of pain and misery... well, misery loves company), you are definitely not alone. Knowing that someone else out there knows (or knew) exactly how you feel can help ease the pain. I'm just glad that my little contribution to cyberspace is actually a useful one, well at least to some.

Monday Morning Quickie

Here's a quickie, someone famous probably already said this, but I just thought of this and thought I'd write it down.

Being in love isn't about being able to spend the rest of your life with the other person, it's about not being able to live your life without them.

The Importance of Thank You

I think it's always nice to say a little thank you when some does something nice for you. Yes, it may be that it wasn't out of their way what they did to help out, or it may have been even part of their job. But I was doing a little thinking (a little, HA!) the other day and I think sometimes it's important to say thank you (a real thank you) when someone is just doing their job. In order to continue with this, I'm going to take you with me on a tangent.

My brother often does things for me that are out of his way. I do thank him of course. But I got to thinking. "Do I need to verbally thank him? He should know that I am always appreciative when he does something for me." But then my thoughts rolled on and I got to thinking that when you stop saying thanks to someone for doing something for you, even though you actually are thankful, they may start to feel that what they are doing for you is expected. I'm sure that people would rather do things because they want to, and not because it's expected. That's what we call being taken for granted. Now every time my family or anyone else does something for me that is out of their way, I will call them again to say thank you even after I thanked them when the incident originally occurred.

Now back to my original point. Yes, the person is just doing their job, so why say thanks to them? Not only is it polite, but it may also get them out of the "'I'm just doing my job, I'm just doing what's expected" mentality. I'm not talking about saying the "just polite, not looking in the eye thank you." But actually look them in the eye, nod, and say thanks. If they catch it, I'm sure they'll be happier and who knows, maybe they'll actually enjoy being at work more and start performing better? Who doesn't like being appreciated? And all it may take, is a little thank you.

"A person starts to live when he can live outside himself." - Albert Einstein